My generation remembers grandparents who 'never talked about the war', not to their children, not to their grandchildren. We meant WWll. Our parents meant WWl. My maternal grandfather returned from WWl. He and a brother had been conscripted. l knew him as a pacifist who did not join the RSA because it was war like. I have sometimes wondered deeply how it was for Pop. I can understand that not talking about active fighting experiences is protective of teller and listener, and also silence is kept because the experiences are beyond language, not comprehensible .to someone who was not 'there'. A private hell.
And how was it for my great grandparents, seeing off two sons at our little railway station in Taranaki, New Zealand, knowing there was a very strong possbility that their wave at a couple of kakhi military caps, a flash of pink cheek behind a moving train window, that streaky last glmpse seen through welling tears may be the last ever of their beloved sons? Of course not only my family, but hundreds of thousands, hence collective trauma. While I am not aware of the influence of that farewell, for example, it is impossible that it did not affect my great grandparents, my grandfather, and then my mother in some way, palpably or shadowy. Of course. Per force. Just imagine that on a huge scale, how such events as wars, colonialsm, natural catastrophes, affect people, on and on, down and down the line.
If anyone enquired, these would become 'human interest stories', a term that downplays the importance of character and story line. Tales told just to illuminate the fallout, the sideshows, the daily lives of the people involved, not necessarily the people on the front lines, first responders, journalists, and others, but the people holding something together out of view, away from headlines. They would have been not only women, but typically so, such as (my) great grandmother, and the hundreds of thousands like her, weeping and wondering at home, a world away from their sons.
These WWl and WWll are old but not forgotten, while newer wars rage and have raged around the globe, colonialist invasions remain rampant, and so-called natural disasters occur ever more frequently.
I spent the last weekend of July in a Constellation workshop in Sydney, facilitated by Yildiz Sethi (YildizSethi.com) and (www.familyconstellations.com.au). Over two full days, thirteen of seventeen participants brought issues to be constellated . Of these a good proportion uncovered collective trauma a few generations ago, sometimes only one generation ago. In these major events affecting human beings at scale, we see weapons, hiding, terror, death, killing, suspicion, blame, denial, avoidance, displacement, torture, and more - the stuff of nightmares, PTSD, trauma.
There is also collective resilience, determination not to give up, not to die, not to lose the impulse for vibrant living . We call that human endurance. Moving on despite the traumatic impact of events and experiences. However, the trauma does not just float away. We hold it. We carry it. We embody it. We just may not know that we do.
When a person comes to a Constellations workshop, the unknown, unsuspected who, what, where and maybe why emerge within a short space of time. New questions and new stories arise: the mother who was so distracted by grief she did not know her (now adult) child's longing and loneliness, though she did indeed love the child, who nevertheless felt unloved or unnoticed; the (adult) child who could not move on with life, so tied was she to her mother's denial of their years ago shared terror and trauma, was unconsciously waiting for the breakthrough conversation with her mother about her memories of war time that the mother refused to mention. (Only the scantiest references are given here out of respect for the Constellation participants, and adherence to our safe container). It is one thing to know transformation can happen that way and another to feel it, see it and be a part of the process. They are just two examples that came up in a random and diverse group of Sydney people on a July weekend in 2024. Just imagine the collective weight of trauma we are plodding around with, that is influencing our relationships at home, in our wider families, at work, and socially!
If you are feeling stuck, would like to untangle from your family patterns, and feel a Constellation would provide the transformatve energy you need, go to Book Online in the menu bar at www.manawafamilyconstellations.com or click Book Now below for a private appointment, or secure your place in a workshop on 10, 17 or 20 August. See website for details.
Karen Sole
Copyright Karen Sole
Karen Sole is a member of the Internatonal Institute for Complementary Therapists, and of the International Systemic Constellations Association (isca-network.org). She took her first training from Yildiz Sethi (yildizsethi.com)of familyconstellations.com.au . Karen's profile can be found on all three organisational sites.
References
Bessel van der Kolk The Body Keeps The Score: Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma Penguin Random House 2015 www.besselvanderkolk.com
Mark Wolynn It Didn't Start With You: HOW INHERITED FAMILY TRAUMA SHAPES WHO WE ARE AND HOW TO END THE CYCLE Vermilion 2022 www.markwolynn.com
Gabor Mate with Daniel Mate The Myth of Normal TRAUMA, ILLNESS AND HEALING IN A TOXIC CULTURE Vermilion 2022 www.drgabormate.com
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