We don't have to start at the beginning, or do we? What's your instant response to that question? I'm talking about therapy, or sorting our stuff out. I came to Family Constellations via a decade of followng Dr Gabor Mate, so my answer is bound to be, yes, we do have to start at the beginning. Our earliest experiences pretty much set the scene for our lives, meaning our whole system; body and mind, health and whole well being.
Images of the author seven decades apart
Here in Aotearoa-,New Zealand it should be easier to embrace that, and to add on family/close community health and spiritual health because of our adherence, or at the very least, our acqaintance with the four pillars of well-being in Maori culture: body, mind, family, spiritual. Then, we are only as well as the least well person in the family/whanau.
Given also that we recognise our ancestors/tipuna as very much a part of a continuous live stream that always influences and nourishes us, that can be called on in time of need. The emphasis on our ancestral line/whakapapa as essential to healing means that Family Constellations fits hand in glove with Maori cultural traditions, belief systems, and way of life. In my life I depend on my connection, calling on my tipuna/ancestors when I need support, for example, when I was serving on a jury in a complex murder trial where all of the accused were charged n such a way that if anyone was guilty, all were guilty. All of the defendants were Maori men. There were eighteen lives in the hands of the jury. The issues were much bigger and more important than any singular view of matters. It seemed to me imperative that I sought the wisdom and support of my tipuna. I found more strength, calm, connection and clarity by having .them around me - embodying their energetic vibration.
As I have examined my family of origin and wider kinship group/ whanau whanui, the trauma is obvious, in both lines, but not only the trauma. There is also tremendous resilience. After all, we survive. I am avoiding 'healing' as the noun-verb in this discussion, in case its pervasive use has blunted its meaning, or unless it has an assumed past tense, ( 'healed') in anyone's mind. In that case it would not adequately connote the life long journey. The word has to some extent been hi-jacked by sections of the well-being industry to sell their goods and services. There is a coded attempt to evoke something called 'closure'. That word is intended to signal the end of introspection or enquiry, or self crticism, or need for further therapy.. People long for closure, long for finished, done and dusted, nothing to worry or think about any more. All gone. That doesn't happen. But we can get to more acceptance, more compassion.
Family Constellations provides a safe and effective way of connecting to the past, and recognising, voicing, and releasing our accumulated pain. We are able to move on, armed with more compassion for ourselves and others, especially our parents, and our lineage/tipuna and be grateful to them for our lives; grateful also for the resilience we got from them, that we learned in their company, with their guidance, and whose intricacies we carry in our DNA.
“I believe that one can never leave home. I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and the dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes and possibly in the gristle of the earlobe.” — Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter
My good fortune was to not become an orphan until I was 72, which in the developed world just might be trending! On this site manawafamilyconstellations.com and www.solekart.com there are images of paintings made for my parents: Ghosts Haunt Us. Ancestors Walk Beside Us for my father, and Storyboard For A Long Life for my mother. Like millions, in fact trillions of others over time, they got up every day and did what they had to do, as well as they could, without complaining, but possibly with more stoicism than joy, though they were also not unhappy or malcontent.
It is not controversial any more that our bodies are repositories of our pain and trauma, and to varying degrees our resilience. Through relatively brief interventions of Family Constellations therapy we gain new perspectives. Taking a longer view, considering our ancestors/tipuna our issues and trauma become human instead of individual. We are our ancestors. Our ancestors are us. For further information about the author, or
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Karen Sole
Copyright Karen Sole
Karen Sole is a member of the International Institute for Complementary Therapists, and of the International Systemic Constellations Association (isca-network.org), and a member of ANZCI, the Aotearoa New Zealand Constellation Incorporated. She took her first training from Yildiz Sethi yildizsethi.com of familyconstellations.com.au . Karen's profile can be found on the above organisational sites.
References
Mason Durie Whaiora: Maori Health Development Oxford University Press 1988 2nd edition
Dr Gabor Mate www.drgabormate.com
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