Family constellations therapy lights up the inextricable links between human kinship, our kinship with the land of our ancestors, and our ancestors’ impact on our lives and our experiences.
Land in this case means any part of or all of a country, the actual earth and area of an ethnic or cultural community or tribe or people, or the place where a person was born or grew up or visited often, such as parents' or grandparents' house and garden or farm, or where they pitched a tent.
When I'm going home to Taranaki, and our mountain comes into view, or I go down to the rugged flax strewn land and black sand beach at Ohawe, the glorious feeling of inalienable belonging washes over me. The connection to these places that has settled in my cells stirs when I return to this area/rohe that belongs to the people who came before me.
Taranaki, Mt Taranaki in the distance. Author's image.
Beauty is all around us here in Aotearoa-New Zealand, but nowhere else evokes these vibrations. It is surely not accidental that love arises - it can only be love - the deep recognition, unassailable belonging, the urge to dance. And a feeling of being surrounded by people who know me, with whom I am connected, who once walked and worked and celebrated and cried and, yes, bled onto this land. It's not that my mind necessarily goes to all those details, but my body responds to being there.
Ohawe beach, Taranaki, Aotearoa-NZ. Author'image.
Here too, is the seat of memories of my early life, the four walls of home, primary school, summer holidays at the beach, the shock of high school created by the ugly assumption of power by the Board and Principal; school and bible class dances, summer days at the town baths (swimming pool), ANZAC parades ending in the upstairs section at the Opera House; clandestine cigarette smoking and terrible vomiting for two days afterwards; going out for paua near Kaupokonui wth Dad, and the clamour when Mum put the newspaper lined roasting dish full of fritters on the table; visiting grandparents, late night parties of my parents and their, as it turns out lifelong friends; winter Saturday afternoons at the pictures, and pages more - oh no, you can't take that away from me!
These are mostly happy memories. Not all of my memories of my early years are so, in fact far from it. However, the life I have lived and am living, the benefits of therapy of various kinds have enabled me to understand, to respect and feel more compassion for people who came before me. Most significant among these are my parents, and extending back along the ancestral lines. When we really feel our ancestors/tipuna our individual problems and issues are transformed into human problems. The issues assume their proper size in the grander scheme of things.
Even if we have never seen ourselves as traumatised, when something sends us to therapy, we see the ìnevitablity of early life adverse experiences showing up in our lives and in our present day behaviour. These days, some of that is popularly referred to as 'being triggered', but that is just a part of it. Beyond that are our choice of partners, our relationships and issues with our colleagues, our parents, our children, our friends - ourselves. Relationally we are driven by our early environment, meaning the care taken of us, the bonds we formed, the nourishment we received, and the relative inadequacies in any of the areas essential for healthy development. Simultaneously, our resilience serves us well. Rarely or never is everything perceived as all negative or all positive.
Whether you have enjoyed some benefits of therapy, but feel you have not got to the root of 'it', or you have never experienced any form of therapy, my invitaton is to step into a manawa family constellations workshop or private one to one constellation, for a safe and effective therapeutic experience. Generally, in one to three sessions, family constellations gets to the nitty gritty, the core, the root of things, enablng .fresh perspectves, greater understandng, respect and compassion for ourselves and the people in our family system. Often this involves handing back of abuse or neglect to someone still living or someone further back in our family lines, releasing us from blame and shame and secrets.
The next manawa family constellations workshop is in Napier Aotearoa-NZ, from 10 am to 3pm wth an hour for lunch, on 09 November. Private appointments are available Monday to Friday via Zoom or in person. For other time zones, please contact via Chat or email to arrange a suitable time. My aim is to engage with you wherever you are in the world. Otherwise, you may use the links below, or go to the website to book sessions, workshops or packages. I look forward to working with you.
Karen Sole is a member of the International Institute for Complementary Therapists, and of the International Systemic Constellations Association (isca-network.org), and a member of ANZCI, the Aotearoa New Zealand Constellation Incorporated. She took her first training from Yildiz Sethi yildizsethi.com of familyconstellations.com.au . Karen's profile can be found on the above organisational sites.
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