In her talk to a local branch of Grey Power, about the work of the Community Law Centre, on Tuesday, their managing lawyer noted several trends that are attributable to or closely correlated to the higher cost of living. Among people affected is the high and growing number of grandparents who are bringing up their grandchildren. Many of these grandparents have only Superannuation and any other welfare payments which attach to the children to support their expanded households.
In Aotearoa New Zealand there is a tradition of grandparents being the main carers of one or more grandchildren, but that is embedded in Maori culture, the moreso in earlier times when generations of families/whanau lived in close geographical proximity. The newer version of this, across a much wider populaton does not have the wrap around support of an iwi/tribal structure. Economic, social, emotional and pyschological support are absent or patchy in the cases that Communty .Law sees, and beyond. Apart from the sheer economic and other weight placed on the first and third generation household, the belonging, flow, order, and balance of the family are disrupted, particularly where contact with the second generation (parents) is non existent, minimal, and or fraught, for any of the reasons that this might be so. The economic and broader social issues that the grandparents are dealing with, or struggling with, are not amenable to therapy. Only structural change can influence .those factors Therapy can help individuals with the disruption to belonging, flow and order that occurs in families/whanau and households consisting of the first and third generations. What might this deep emotional disruption look like? The grandparents may be grieving their life as grandparents who are generally able to 'give the grandkids back' at the end of the outing, visit, or holiday. They may be grieving the loss, one way or another, of their child (the second generation) and the relationship they would otherwise have with them. They may be unable to cope with the grief the children feel about the parents' absence. They may be feeling guilt or shame because they are unable to provide for the grandchildren in the way they would like to. The grandchildren may be directing their entirely understandable anger towards the grandparents. Probably there is a great deal of love in the mix, but it may be hard to find or express sometimes. These are just a few examples of the complcated,. entangled relational dynamics which may occur where grandparents are pushed to be parents again, in what would otherwise be their relaxed, gentle and free period of life, at least to the extent that their circumstances allowed.
lf you or someone you know is in that dynamic, please - welcome to a one to one appointment in person or via Zoom.
Karen Sole
Karen Sole is a member of the Internatonal Institute for Complementary Therapists, and of the International Systemic Constellations Association (isca-network.org). She took her first training from Yildiz Sethi yildizsethi.com of familyconstellations.com.au . Karen's profile can be found on all three organisational sites.
Hawkes BayCommunity Law Centre, phone 06 878 4868
Grey Power Napier meets third Tuesday of the month at St Columba's Church, 136 Gloucester Street, Napier.
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