Lingering or enduring shame caused by our own actions is referred to as moral injury. The endurance is difficult. Moral injury takes in things done in active armed service, or violent actions against others in a peaceful time, things we've done, including unkind speech to loved ones. These things haunt us, continue to cause pain and sorrow, sleepless nights, lack of confidence in life, and possibly a bit of self flagellation. Your misgivings and shame do not go away with time.
Some how, in a safe context we need to speak of it, for someone to hear and hold space for us, without judgement. This does not necessarily absolve us, but at least we recognise ourselves and our role in causing harm to ourselves, most likely by harming another being in some way.
What do you imagine it would be like, to unburden yourself, to release the shame and give yourself more compassion? Just to express, to be heard, to be kinder to yourself, to lift your head higher.
In my experience the weight off heart and mind is radically transformative.
You know when you have something to do that you cannot face, that you put off over a long period, until a deadline shouts at you from your calendar. You go do it, discover it was not so hard to do, did not take so long, and having done it, you are mightily relieved and pleased with yourself in an ordinary but deep way. In a flash you see the burden it has been, and that it was entirely your own responsibility. Suddenly it is gone! I'm thinking of my tax return, due in 8 days. Well, speaking of the harm you have done to yourself, releasing the secret to fly away like a dove, is like doing your taxes on time, but on steroids. My own experience of it was viastringently client led talk therapy, specifically, with a certified Compassionate Inquiry therapist. I know the power of witnessing, as an effective healing process. I have come to Family Constellations via Compassionate Inquiry, and know that constellations is a modality that can work with moral injury/harm to self effectively, and in a relatively brief session(s). If you have something you would like to get off your chest - such an interesting expression which fully describes the oppressive force of a shameful secret, and the toll on our bodies - in this sphere, you are welcome at a private session online, or constellation workshop/circle at www.manawafamilyconstellations.com
Karen Sole
Karen Sole is a member of the Internatonal Institute for Complementary Therapists, and of the International Systemic Constellations Association (isca-network.org). She took her first training from Yildiz Sethi yildizsethi.com of familyconstellations.com.au . Karen's profile can be found on all three organisational sites.
References
For Family constellations Facilitators globally
Innumerable social media groups
Compassionate Inquiry Therapists in Aotearoa NZ (There are only two):
Dr Luke Sniewski, lukesniewski.com
Terri Ewart, www.staycurious.co.nz
To find Compassionate Inquiry Therapists globally:
NICABM: The Master Series Treating Trauma How to identify and treat the invisible wounds of neglect 2023
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